July 1st, 2018 / 4:24 AM It’s someone’s birthday. Every day is someone’s birthday. So is today. We spent a good time together. A golden time perhaps. Only if that could be re-lived. I cannot overlook a question. Will any of us forget and forgive if we relive it? I fail to reach any answer when I realize that I have not forgotten anything even today. It is being very unwise of me. A fool here. I have no idea of the other side. If anyone comes to see my end, they will find my side of the bridge intact. Maybe the other end is intact too. Yet the bridge fell. It is another question that keeps peaceful sleep and harmony at bay. We once talked about life and the afterlife and decided that the one who outlives the other should tell the next generation of ours about how many years we stayed in each other’s lives. I believe that silence is not absence. It never is. Has God ever talked to us? Yet when we pray, we believe that he is there. This example does not apply to those who don’t believe in a God. The number of years we talked is now less than the number of years we haven’t. I wish the wiser of us was more wiser. It is the first of July. I wish happiness for the other end of the bridge, even if it has fallen.
WestWorld’s season two comes to an end. But as it has become a successful franchise, the producers will keep skimming profit from making sequels and spinoffs. The first season Made me watch the very first movie from which the season was inspired in the first. I found the plot of the first season very similar to the original movie which had pretty lame special effects as compared to the modern time. Everybody was talking about the second season but it was not released in a way Netflix releases its Originals. All the episodes were not released on the first day which is why I was waiting for the day when the last episode gets aired and then I can watch the entire season peacefully without any breaks.
A good idea when always leave some marks on your mind even when you don’t want any. The similarity shown in the drama with that of religious preachings and what effect religion and Society has on the life of a person cannot be missed once you start thinking about the analogy shown in the drama. Higher intelligent beings create a park for their own dark fantasies which they cannot satisfy easily in their everyday world. To populate that park they create inferior mechanical beings which are posted to play their own roles following repeated narratives. From ancient Greece to the Pharaohs and from the ancient recorded religions to the modern interpretations of Christianity and Islam, the two major religions in the modern day world, this similarity cannot be overlooked. Movies have talked about it, stories exist about it and now another drama which I was waiting for to end also exists about it. Some higher intelligent beings created humans but to keep a check on humans and to keep them human in the first place they introduced the concept of death. So no matter how intelligent or rich you are, in the end you die. No matter how good or bad you are, your life has an end. No matter how famous and how wanted you are, you cannot escape death. Never!
I recently came across the quotation which states that death was introduced by God to keep men from not becoming God. This triggers another that whether the first person to crack the mystery of death and to live beyond the phenomenon of death was a mere mortal who achieved eternal life and became God. But even then that does not give him the superpowers need for creating the entire universe.
There has always existed a curiosity in men from all eras about knowing the creator. Westworld makes you think about the creation of man. A similarity between those Hosts who are merely toys for the satisfaction of those who created them is a scream. What if the person who is writing this is a toy and the person who is reading it is another and we are just following a story line created by the creator. Then we die and the next day we wake up again with no memory of who we were in our previous lives. I hope this thought and this idea pollutes your mind for the time to come and the creator doesn’t reset you before the next role.
The steam sale just went live. I have a wishlist of real and virtual things that keeps growing. It includes more than a few games. The collection has grown still I keep coming back to playing the handful of my favorite games again. I still haven’t scored S in all the levels of MGSTPP, and I am still unable to defeat a boss in Cuphead. Yet, the inner gamer boy from the school days looks at me through the other side of the window. I know that he would make me spend some hard-earned money for sure. A dilemma that every gamer faces is that not all titles exist on one platform. It is an (evil) business trick used by giants like Sony and Nintendo to push people into buying their hardware. The inner boy is happy that at least a remastered Crash Bandicoot comes to my side on the 29th of this month. Money spent!
اپنی ڈائری میں لکھی ہوئی کچھ باتیں دوبارہ پڑھیں تو بہت حیرت ہوئی. مجھے کچھ یاد نہیں کہ یہ سب میں نے کب لکھا .لیکن جوں جوں ایک ایک لفظ میری آنکھوں کے سامنے سے گزرا ہر پرانی چیزتازہ ہوگی. لوگوں کی کی ہوئی مہربانیاں بھی. اور دوستوں کی کی ہوئی نا انصافیاں بھی . نہ جانے میں نے یہ سب کب لکھا . اتنی پرانی باتیں پڑھ کر لگتا ہے کہ شاید وہ کوئی دوسری زندگی تھی. لیکن میں تو تب بھی میں ہی تھا
فلمیں دیکھ کر یہ پتہ چلا ہے کہ جنگ کوئی خوبصورت چیز نہیں. میں نے خود تو کوئی جنگ نہیں لڑی لیکن یہ سمجھنے کے لئے کسی جنگ میں جانے کی ضرورت نہیں کہ جنگ کسی جہنم سے کم نہیں. کوئی بھی کتاب اور کوئی بھی فلم ایک جنگ کی حقیقت کے ساتھ انصاف نہیں کر سکتی. بھلا یہ کیسے ممکن ہے کہ سالوں جاری رہنے والی حقیقت جو لوگوں کی زندگی کو تباہ و برباد کر دے وہ دو گھنٹے کی فلم یا دو سو صفحے کی کتاب میں سما جائے . فلم بنانے والا بھی ہمیں صرف وہی چیز ہے دکھاتا ہے جس سے اسکی فلم کامیابی سے چلے اور اس کے پیسے اس کو واپس مل سکیں
اس رمضان صبح کو جب سب سو گئے تب وقت کاٹنے کے لئے میں نے ایک کتاب کا انتخاب کیا. اس کتاب کا نام دی ادر سائیڈ ہے. مختصر یہی کہ یہ کتاب ذہن کو پریشان کردیتی ہے یہ دو فوجیوں کی کہانی ہے جو ویتنام کی جنگ میں حصہ لینے اپنے ملک سے آئے ہیں. ان میں ایک فوجی امریکی ہے اس کی تربیت اور اسکے حالات دوسرے فوجی سے بالکل مختلف ہیں. یہ امریکہ میں ایک خوش زندگی گزار رہا ہوتا ہے جب ایک اور فوجی کے مرنے پر فوج ا سے ویتنام بھیجنے کا فیصلہ کرتی ہے . یہ ہر حربہ استعمال کرتا ہے کہ اسکا وہاں جانا کسی طرح ملتوی ہو جائے. اس شہر میں جتنی بھی جسم فروش لڑکیاں کام کرتی ہیں یہ کچھ ہی دن میں ان سے تعلقات صرف اس غرض سے بناتا ہے کہ اس کو کوئی ایسی بیماری لگ جائے کہ یہ وہاں جانے سے بچ جائے. یہ اپنے ڈاکٹر کو بھی بتاتا ہے کہ یہ ہم جنس پرست ہے اور فوج میں اس جیسے کی ضرورت نہیں لیکن اس کی وہ ترکیب بھی الٹ پڑ جاتی ہے. دوسرے فوجی نے اپنے گاوں دیہات میں ہونے والی تباہی کو اپنی آنکھوں سے دیکھا ہوتا ہے اور اسے اپنے ملک کے لوگوں کی دریا میں تیرتی ہوئی لاشیں اور انکی بھٹکتی ہوئی روحیں نظر آتی ہیں جو اسے کہتی ہیں کہ اس کو اپنے فرض کو نہیں بھولنا اور جنگ میں دشمن کو ہر صورت ہرانا ہے کہانی میں جنگ میں رونما ہونے والی پر تشدد اور ظالمانہ تباہی کا ذکر ہے. کس طرح یہ جنگ ان دونوں فوجیوں کے دل و دماغ پر گہرا اثر چھوڑتی ہے یہ سب اس کہانی میں واضح ہے. جوں جوں آپ کہانی پڑھتے ہیں آپ کو سمجھ آنے لگتا ہے کہ کیسے اس گھنے جنگل میں دونوں فوجیوں کے کردار بدلتے ہیں. مجھے یہ کہانی پڑھ کر اس لیے بھی اچھا لگا اس کہانی میں کسی ایک مذہب یا کسی ایک ملک یا کسی ایک خیال کو باقی کسی دوسرے خیال پر حاوی نہیں کروایا گیا. انسانی کہانی کے غیر انسانی تجربات بھی بہت خوبصورتی کے ساتھ نظر بند کئے گئے ہیں. تو اگر کوئی جنگ اور خوف اور مافوق الفطرت مخلوق و حالات کے بارے میں کوئی کہانی پڑھنا چاہیےتو یہ کتاب میرا عاجزانہ مشورہ ہے
کم از کم ایک دن کا روزہ کاٹنا تو آسان ہوگا. یہ گرمی کے روزےکسی خوف سے کم تو نہیں
People have no idea how hard it is to save a text message forever especially when you use a phone that has limited built-in storage and is from the year 2003. I used to have a Siemens phone many years ago when I started wasting money on text messages. It was a time when the text messages were all the rage and soon the number of text messages that I was exchanging increased exponentially. But as that increase happened, I kept getting nagged by that warning that my inbox memory is almost full and I must delete a few messages. I am an emotional being and I was emotionally attached to every word that I wrote, it was very hard for me to delete even those messages that were a response to the words that I created. That is why I used to write those text messages that really mattered on a separate diary. A tragedy that I lost one such diary when I left Lahore. Some pages of that diary exist as a scan and survived in that way.
Later on when phones were replaced by smartphones, it became very easy to move thousands and thousands of messages out of your phone in such a format that they could be transferred to the phone when needed or could be converted into a more computer friendly document like a WordPad or Excel sheet to be read away from phone on a computer. Then came the time of iPhone and it became extremely easy to export the entire thread of communication as a pdf or a word document. Hence almost 70 to 80% of the messages that I exchanged with people still exist in my archives after almost a decade of that chat.
The last three months had been quite energetic. I got the time and the thinking to pull all the messages together into one place which I, maybe after a decade or or two, open publicly. That task needs to be started today if it needs to be completed by that time. That is exactly why after an effort of almost 2 months I am able to collect and combine all the text messages and sort them in a chronologically organised way. I added them to my archive. No, I am not that ill-mannered to hurt the privacy of anyone. To protect people from the dilemma of who-is-who I changed the names of the people to the name of their alter-egos or to their doppelgangers in some instances. So their privacy is intact. It fills me with extreme satisfaction that at least one copy of this part of life got documented and it might survive in a digital way and not become a forgotten realm. As of this writing, that archive stays protected behind a set of passwords. For the curious eyes and stalkers, it is a message that if you can sustain the fires of curiosity and fuel them for a few more years, then stick around till the archive opens. A spoiler, nostalgia does hurt too. Stay frosty.
I had been reading some older writings that although I want to push here, this effort to digitize older creations cannot be achieved without the mentioning of those people that defined life. With time some people become too irrelevant to not even think about, let alone write anything about them. I faced the dilemma when left with only two possible solutions. Either to drop those posts completely which mention those now-unworthy folks. Or to give them alternative names. Both of these solutions have an advantage and a bigger disadvantage. Dropping the posts kills the purpose of the idea in the first place. And if I give every person a new name, it will become very hard to remember who became who. Besides, it slows down the thought process bringing it to a snail pace. That is when a very remarkable solution lit up like a beacon. Doppelgängers. Everyone who left a mark on life in any way bears resemblance to someone popular like a movie star. Thankfully most, if not all of the exes have a doppelgänger. One has such a striking similarity to a pornstar. The problem looks solved already. An adult performer who bore a resemblance with an ex took her own life in the December of 2017. Many have already forgotten her. Now, whenever I see that ex, the face of that dead performer pops up. I guess it is not easy to be a doppelgänger. Whom do you bear resemblance to?
June 2nd, 2018 / 6:51 PM
These days of Ramadan are riddled with hot and unbearably long days. These fasts are not for the faint of the heart. In this life, I don’t have the perks to take an entire week off. Still, I am VERY happy with this path of life instead of the other side. After waking up, I either have too little energy to write anything down. I feel falling short on finishing the books and graphic novels that I started. This is my 301st post that I intended to publish. I spent last week reading old parchments and collecting them all in a workflow to push them here. Internet is where I hope they outlive my biological life and their paper life. Some scribbles have become irrelevant. Some are too personal. Some are broken. Some trigger regrets. This is the price of nostalgia. It brings not only the happy feelings. This isn’t the first post that I have pushed today. Work is happening since the first of Ramadan. I hope to get this done soon. I want to place my diaries back in the locker as soon as I can. But as I look back into the older days, a time machine states to work. Three weeks of collecting notes and newspapers (for visual additions along posts) while having long summer fasts is no easy task. Reading old time is reliving in a way. You can live the same day for more than once, only if it is better documented.